Last January, I wrote him a letter and he wrote me back a couple of weeks after.  He wanted to meet up.  I told him, I just had to clear up my schedule and would just show up one day once I got free time.  He had no choice but to agree... Hehehe. 

I had a perfect vision of our first meeting in years...  He'd be really surprised to see me and we'd run and throw one another a tight embrace.  We would tell each other how we've missed us and we'd talk endlessly about everything that happened when we were busy minding our own lives.  We would have another videoke session and we would eat together with friends.  I would have "kilig" moments again while he's sitting beside me.  We would have a great time and would plan out when would we meet again... and again... and again... I repeatedly played it in my head for more than a month...

That first meeting in years finally came yesterday.  It was awkward and all I could say when he was a few inches away from me was, "Uy!"  And instead of a hug, I could only greet him with a high five.  Imagine that!  Hahaha.  He asked if I was married and I told him I wasn't.  During the first couple of hours, we would talk like we always did before for minutes and silence would abruptly fill the air for just as much time we spent talking, sometimes even longer.  Ggggggrrrrrr!!!  I swear, I hated the silence part because it made me more nervous than I already was.  He would stare at nothingness and would smile like he knew what I was thinking (or feeling).  Awkward, awkward, awkward.  Whew!  Then he asked me if it was okay for him to smoke.  I said no but I told him that it was still his choice and he said, "kinakabahan kasi ako eh."  Bwahaha.  I almost fell from my seat, laughing.  When he asked why, I just smiled.  Hehehe.  At the back of my mind, I was still laughing.  I was kinda relieved knowing that I wasn't the only one feeling uneasy.  Hahaha.  It got better and more comfortable after that.  I guess, we found our way back to our comfort zone.  Once again, I felt at home around him.  I thought that our friendship died somehow when we started to grow apart but it didn't.  He told me a lot of things, things that I thought he couldn't open up to me anymore.  He said he just broke up with his girlfriend and that he has a 4-month old baby girl with another woman.  He said that he and his mom are not in good terms nowadays because he chose his ex-girlfriend over the mother of his kid.  The first words I could say were Friendster's TM relationship status: It's Complicated.  Hihihi.  I told him to make peace with his mom because at the end of the day, family will always be family.  I told him to go back to school and finish college.  I gave him advices like I used to and he was attentive like he used to.  We ate lunch together, we sang our hearts out during our undying videoke session, and he asked me to visit again.  I told him we will see each other again, but I just couldn't promise when exactly because of my erratic schedule at work.  He joked; maybe I'd meet him again after four years.  Hahaha.  I told him to keep in touch and that if he needs someone to talk to, he knows where to call or write me.  He thanked me and I kissed him goodbye...

I was happy, really happy to see him.  You know, he took me back to this nice safe place where crushes never end and hearts can't be broken (thanks to Dawson's Creek for this line, by the way... hehehe).  But is there really something for us more than a platonic relationship?  I don't know, I can't say anything for sure right now.  What I know is that I don't have "what ifs" and "what could have beens" anymore, and he's no longer my The One Who Got Away…